So I was checking out at Wal-mart the other day. The cashier was in her early twenties, and she was talkative. And I mean extremely talkative. I thought I had met talkative people before, but they paled in comparison to her. As she rang up some underwear I had bought, she said, “I need to get some of these too.” I mean, what is one supposed to say to that???? She also went on to talk about how glad she was that it was Thursday, because she had the next two days off. When I politely commented that that was nice, she started talking about how it wasn’t really that nice since she was going to Lake City or somewhere to take care of some things. I half expected her to start telling me what those things were. The upside of her bubbly-ness was that she came across as very friendly – I suppose I should be glad she wasn’t as grumpy as most cashiers.
This whole episode made me think about self-disclosure. How much do you self-disclose to strangers? Probably not nearly as much as that cashier did. Most people follow the same boundaries: we talk about meaningless drivel with people until we’ve know them for a long time, then BAM we are able open up to them and spill our guts. Too much self disclosure too soon, as I noticed with the cashier, can make things uncomfortable. It has been found that people find high self-disclosing people to be nice and friendly, but would rather not have them as a close friend. Who would want to tell their secrets to someone who is not going to be able to keep those secrets?
Not having enough self disclosure can also not be good, especially if it makes the relationship lopsided. How would you feel if you told someone your deepest, darkest secret, and in return, they disclosed something trivial, like that they have always wanted a dog? Wouldn’t you feel cheated and unsatisfied, as if they weren’t into the relationship as you are? It is always important to stay aware of how much/little is being disclosed in your relationships.
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