What were you saying? I wasn't listening.

In the past month, two of the comics running in the newspaper joked about listening – or, more accurately, the lack thereof. They both run in the same vein. Although both the characters acted like they were listening to the others, they clearly weren’t. We get into those kinds of situations all the time. Everyone knows a person who only needs the encouragement of an occasional nod of the head from you to talk for hours. Usually you don’t really listen to them. You think about other things – what needs doing at home, the next errand you’re going to run, your plans for world domination, or other pressing matters. This is called mindless listening.

               Listening is the kind of communication used the most by us in our everyday lives. Though it is important and we use it so frequently, we are not always good listeners. There is a huge difference between the mindless listening exhibited in those comics and the best kind – mindful listening. It doesn’t take much effort to nod your head and smile, but real mindful listening is a complicated thought process that takes all of the concentration and patience you can muster. Real listening has five elements: Hearing, attending, understanding, responding, and remembering. If one of those elements is left out, then your communication will suffer for it.

           How can you be that good listener everyone likes talking to? First, remember to talk less. If you want to hear what someone is saying, it makes sense not to try to shift the conversation away from them and onto you. In the cartoons, both the characters were very good at staying silent and letting the other person talk. Next, we need to get rid of distractions. That means ignoring the cell phone and other such distractions that are around. Another element of being a good listener involves avoiding premature judgment of the speaker. If their view is different from yours, it’s always a good idea to wait until you understand their point of view and where they’re coming from before giving your opinion. Lastly, when listening to a long-winded person, don’t try to remember every word they say. Instead, focus on the most important points they seem to be making.

Since everyone likes being listened to, it’s only fair that we also become good listeners for others’ benefit. Sometimes talking can be so much easier than actually listening to someone, but that is why listening is even more important. As the philosopher once said, "We have been given two ears and but a single mouth, in order that we may hear more and talk less."